Let’s take a moment for some real talk.

This week I’ve made a few breakthroughs in my mental game. I realized that I was worrying a lot about other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions in regards to me and was getting sooooo frustrated that I couldn’t change any of that. I was feeling so much anger that I couldn’t change someone else.

The revelation came when I was looking at my to-do list for the previous day and everything that I wasn’t able to cross off from there. Granted, I’m known for filling up an 8.5×11 with my daily to-dos, but I’m usually able to accomplish all or most of it. So I’m looking at the previous day, where I got almost nothing substantive done, and I asked myself, “where did all my time go?!” I realized that I had spent my day almost in a zombie state, ruminating about someone else’s behavior and thoughts.

How many of y’all have ever felt that way?

When I was in grad school to become a psychotherapist we talked a lot about trying to control situations. A lot of us have a huge desire to assert control over our lives, but we also attribute whatever happens in our lives to external forces. Someone else causing us to feel a certain way. 

There are several problems with this, the first being that we are not taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We also deflect responsibility from changing anything. “THEY are making xyz happen so THEY have to fix it.” The result is that we feel powerless in our own lives, and we lose confidence in our own ability to get out there and kick ass.

So psych-talk aside, I realized it was time to take things back into my own control, and the only thing I could control was myself. I focused on changing my mindset and noticing when I was feeling powerless and turning those into moments I felt empowered. And let me tell you, it was hard work! I was checking myself to not wreck myself countless times in a day.

But you know what? It really worked! I sat with my feelings (and yes, some of them were yucky), and approached my time and energy the same way I approach my macros: these are all of the resources I have for today, so what am I going to spend them on?

It’s not all sunshine and unicorn farts all the time, don’t get me wrong. But the difference is that I am making the conscious choice of how my day is going to turn out. I’m finding that I’m feeling more focused, getting more done, and learning so much about my brain and body’s capacity.

What do you do when you’re feeling like you’ve lost control of your day?